my mannequin arms

some say the stars will dance up and down the floor.
wine will flow with the spotlight that shines on those
worthy of the glow,
eager enough to try
drifting
with the currents of our bodies
our minds
and our hearts.
and some say the truth lies in whats left unsaid
that time propels us down the ultimate path
for friendship
for love
for happiness
and so i set my glass aside
and i think to myself to them
i bet you could hit a golf ball clear through
the oculus of that building over there,
or spot colorful flags blazing through the sky,
but i bet you'll never experience what i have
here
within these city walls
because on this rooftop overlooking statues of fallen men
among the mannequins sorry enough to view them
you move alone.

the phyrst night of the rest nights

a stale cigarette rest between my fingers
visions o of past lives and past concerts floating through my head
roger waters is singing blissful melodies
the lights are flashing and i'm reminded of a girl i used to know
the streets are lonesome tongiht
but i have a crew
and future aspirations
and a sense of belonging
tomorrow i will hike the great mt. nittany
and become one
with the land i so care to forget about.

i tried tonight but nothing came out.

its almost 3 now and ive sat here 15 minutes. ill try to sleep but i know i wont. i wish i could, i wish i had the words to describe my scrambled thoughts. i shall try again tomorrow

late night thoughts

I was talking to a friend today, steve, about life after college i guess youd say. I sorta got the impression through the past 4 years of knowing and hanging out with the guy that he was all about the ae life, he works hard so i sorta thought he was one of those guys that loved the major, loved what he did in school and loved what he would become. we got to shooting some pool today and talking and it became apparent my assumptions were wrong. let me give you some background if you dont know the guy....hes had a g/f (slang for girlfriend) for the past like 4 yrs, as long as ive known him and they seem like a great couple from what ive seen. anyway we get to talking and he says to me that when he talks to jess after hes done with class and shes done work, she'll ask him sometimes "so how was work", to which he'll reply "it was work i really dont wanna talk about it." and i thought yeah. hell yeah. that right thats what ive been all about for the past...like 5 yrs. Its not what you do at work that defines you, but what you do outside of work, on your off time that can really make you happy. you go to work for a paycheck. you get paid to do the things you dont like so you can pay for the things you like. and that made total sense to me. absolutely. until i got home. i thought about this. ive been feeling this way for some time now so its something not easy to disagree with. but when i really think about it....lets be honest most of us spend 40hours + at work every week. we're gonna have to like it at least a little bit to be doing it. (bvon i hope things are working out for you at camp, rossman i hope you enjoy ipods and chicks from home depot)...i got into this major 5 yrs ago, thinking i could make a difference, thinking i could be among the greatest in engineering, come up with new and innovative techniques, discover better and easier methods, blah blah blah. but then i matured. i realized what truly mattered in life. i realized what truly made me happy. and although im not truly happy right now, i know what i want, i know what i need and nothing in the engineering world can provide that.......well maybe. because im going to spend what looks like the majority of my life in it, i better like it a little. right? and i realized that its not the job, its not the money, its not the company that brings me happiness but being able to share those little moments with other people that sorta feel the same way as i do that brings me the happiness i so desperately need. Its sharing the laughs, the smiles, the inside jokes with someone else that has interests so aligned with you it seems almost unreal.....that really makes it all worth it. and i dont really know where im going with this but i just finished but first technical report of the semester, which leaves me a clear 2 behind everyone else(cept t. yost). And me and my major and the people in it have such a love-hate relationship that some days i spend dawn to dusk working and other days it pains me too much to go to one class. and i dont know if everything will really work out for me in the end. im 23 and i have no clue what im doing with my life. (if youre with me can i get an amen!) but i do know that as much as i hate thinking about the future and hate thinking about what i might become, i know that i want to be able to share the hardships, the ups and downs and the little stupid things at work with someone else because if im not going to have a good time at work, i at least want to make fun of the guys that are.

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